The Buick Masturbation
“Red-faced officials at General Motors in Canada have been forced to think of a new name for their latest model after discovering it was a slang word for masturbation. GM officials said they had been unaware that LaCrosse was a term for self-gratification among teenagers in French-speaking Quebec… Mitsubishi had to change the name of its Pajero model in Spanish speaking countries, where the word is a slang term for ‘masturbator…’ And Ford didn’t have the reception it expected in Brazil when their Pinto car flopped. They then discovered that in Brazilian Portuguese slang, pinto means ’small penis.’” — BBC (UK)
Who comes up with all those dumb car names anyway? Manufacturers seem to prefer names that suggest rather than describe — names that, rather than tell you what the car is, evoke a lifestyle, a faraway place, a potential for romance. It’s like naming a hammer a Marteau LE — the very suggestiveness only serves to obscure what the thing really is or does. So it serves the buggers right if these vehicular euphemisms occasionally turn out to evoke a solitary lifestyle, a lonely place, and a potential for romance that can only be enjoyed by one person — the sound of one hand clapping. If manufacturers just used descriptive names in the first place, they wouldn’t have these problems.
Still, you expect that manufacturers will get wise as they learn how to manage these perils of globalization. They’ll sidestep all slang that refers to masturbation, homosexuality, passive sodomy, or swallowing semen — after all, who wants to drive around in a Toyota Deep Throat? A Ford Fudge Packer? A Buick Butt Boy? Instead, manufacturers will name their new offerings using the foreign words for the most macho sex practices. You’ll be able to buy a car with a name that sounds like a French wine and be confident that teenagers in exotic foreign lands won’t snigger as you drive by in your Buick Ballbreaker or your Mitsubishi Monster Cock.
On Australian TV a little while ago, there were a load of ads for this new model of car. I forget the brand name, but the model was called “Jazz”.
Jazz is an old American slang word for masterbation. Lord knows who decided it should be the name for syncopated black music!
Here in Australia, my friends and I call a Pajero a wanker….Another car was named the “Probe”.
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Ooh La La