“A Brazilian telephone company is offering a helping hand to Latin lovers who are lacking inspiration with animations of sexual positions based on the Kama Sutra flashed directly to their mobile phones. For 33 cents, customers of Tele Norte Leste Participacoes’ wireless arm Oi can download one of 40 animations that come with a short explanation and gauge of difficulty.” — CNN (US)

Some mobile providers have already started making porn available to cellphone users, so it is hardly news that someone has thought to make the Kama Sutra available as well. The funny thing is just imagining how it will work in practice. Does the man sneak into the bathroom with the phone, dial up a new trick, then come out ready to dazzle the woman with his art of love? Or does the bored couple dial up a sutra together? Does one of them hold the phone while they try to work themselves into position? What if, while they’re having sex, they accidentally dial a number stored in the phone’s memory? Mom answers and thinks it’s an obscene phone call until she recognizes her son’s voice, “Joey, is that you?”

Certainly it won’t be long before you can dial up a live person to give you advice about sex. Rather than have animations of sexual positions from the Kama Sutra, you’ll have streaming video of Dick and Jane to show you what to do. Your phone will transmit video back to them and they can coach you as you go along. “Put it there, a little up, no, that’s her ass not her cunt, move it up a little, that’s right…” And no doubt all this streaming video will get stored somewhere, and in the future celebrities will fear the sex scandals that will result when the archives are hacked into. Or maybe it will all just get so commonplace that there will be no more sex scandals. Watching a celebrity have sex will be no more shocking than watching one eat supper or get a haircut. Sex will be returned to its rightful place among the biological functions, and you’ll have technology to thank for it.

VideoBox

It's like the iTunes Music Store for Porn. Download unlimited high-quality video for only $9.95/month.