Promising to make lap dances tax deductible if elected, porn star Mary Carey Tuesday collected signatures outside Los Angeles City Hall in her bid for California’s top political post… Carey said her platform includes taxing breast implants to generate revenue; hiring adult film stars to help negotiate better wholesale electricity prices; and creating a ‘Porno for Pistols’ program, where gun owners can to swap their weapons for X-rated films. ‘If more guys had orgasms, they’d be less violent,’ said Carey, who said she’d run as an Independent. Her solution to global warming? ‘Wear less clothes.’ — NBC (US)

At least 150 people have obtained the paperwork to add their names to the list of candidates vying to become California’s next governor. Few of these will probably bother to pay the $3500 filing fee to make their candidacy official — but no doubt this is one who should. Following in the tradition of Cicciolina, the porn star elected to the Italian parliament in 1987, and Ann Kristel Fure, the Norwegian stripper running for mayor, Mary Carey brings something genuinely unique to the election — not just sex but vision.

Unlike the dull platitudes already mouthed by Big Arnold in his election bid (e.g. “I’ll be the candidate of the people”), Mary Carey offers substantive, forward-looking ideas for radical social change. For example, taxing breast implants might sound like a silly idea — but really it’s only silly in Iowa or Idaho. In California — or at least in southern California — breast implants are as common as bottled water. Taxing them could triple the bra size of state coffers, so to speak.

And it might also help to create new jobs. For example, if real estate taxes are calculated on the worth of your property, breast implant taxes would be calculated on the size of your implant. Therefore the state would need to hire and train workers in the survey of implants. These workers would audit models and starlets, measuring their breasts with calipers, weighing them on a scale, perhaps even submitting them to manual squeeze tests.

Of course, political vision is only as good as the leadership skills necessary to transform your vision into social reality. But as they say in the military, when you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. And who better than a porn star to grab voters by the balls?

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