“A 62-year-old man was spotted by two of his neighbours committing a prolonged sex attack on a horse… Police arrested Donald Edward Perkins in June last year after he was seen lying down talking to some horses and ‘interfering’ with an animal at a nature reserve… Mrs Bourgaize said she presumed further assaults had been committed when she saw several other horses emerge from behind trees with ‘enlarged’ penises. ‘I was disgusted,’ she told the jury.” — Ananova (UK)

Though the accused claims to have been “feeding” the horses, he had previously pleaded guilty to a similar offence — so you have to wonder what he was feeding them exactly. Crotch oats?

That being said, it is a well known principle that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. If the horses were seen with “enlarged” penises, is it just possible that they enjoyed whatever he was feeding them? And if they enjoyed it, is it really a crime? Technically the defendant was charged with “outraging public decency,” which apparently amounts to causing a horse to have a flagrant erection before the neighbor ladies. In other words, his crime was not bestiality but exhibitionism, or incitement to exhibitionism — on the part of an animal, no less. But then that’s a ridiculous crime, since it implies everything would have been acceptable if only he’d taken the horse somewhere private, like his bedroom.

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